I would just like to say, first of all, that since the election of November 2010 I'm glad some of the turkeys weren't saved. (I don't even think the traditional turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, and a bottle of bourbon could make Pelosi more palatable.)
So I am thankful, this Thanksgiving, that we now get to worry about the turkeys who replaced the turkeys that just got their goose cooked (talk about mixing metaphors).
I love Thanksgiving. It's the opening act of the holiday season and it ushers in the big, fat, red, replacement Jesus. The replacement Jesus is more easier on the gassy gastro tract than the Jesus that had long hair, beard, sandals and was pithy. But maybe some celebrate that holiday with the real, thin, Jew, Jesus because they lack a chimney.
But what is really difficult about Thanksgiving is the fact that it's only a month removed from another pig fest. Our metabolism only has a month of recovery before another onslaught of carbohydrates and tryptophan. Those two work together to give testosterone laden gyms their best month, January, because all us little piglets make our fake new year's resolutions. It's our normal modus operandi...before we sit to indulge, our eyes are bigger than our stomachs, then before we sweat, our mouths bigger than our will.
Making way for the big, fat, red, replacement Jesus we stuff our innards with bounty. It seems appropriate, in a poetic sense...(without the rhyming) that as we make his paths straight and prepare eager children for his appearing we gorge ourselves, and then lose ourselves whilst we partake of the most holy communion...shopping.
Now am I against gorging myself? Well certain parts of my organic structure fit together with tendon, muscle and bone beneath this tent of epidermic, parasitical mess is. But as a theoritical proposition that entrances my brain and my pig appetite? No.
Am I against shopping? Hmmm...is my inner selfish child going to get something? Most likely...although if the big, fat, red replacement Jesus is making a list....well we'll leave that one alone.
Both are good things...eating and shopping...but we must always be thankful.
Even a glutton and a materialist should find some time this Thanksgiving to thank the big, fat, red replacement Jesus for his gifts...and you better hurry because he's coming with a wealth of advertising, sales, and early store openings.
Do not mock him neither (or either), or else, he'll stab you with a pine needle.
by Timothy Lewis Kegley
So I am thankful, this Thanksgiving, that we now get to worry about the turkeys who replaced the turkeys that just got their goose cooked (talk about mixing metaphors).
I love Thanksgiving. It's the opening act of the holiday season and it ushers in the big, fat, red, replacement Jesus. The replacement Jesus is more easier on the gassy gastro tract than the Jesus that had long hair, beard, sandals and was pithy. But maybe some celebrate that holiday with the real, thin, Jew, Jesus because they lack a chimney.
But what is really difficult about Thanksgiving is the fact that it's only a month removed from another pig fest. Our metabolism only has a month of recovery before another onslaught of carbohydrates and tryptophan. Those two work together to give testosterone laden gyms their best month, January, because all us little piglets make our fake new year's resolutions. It's our normal modus operandi...before we sit to indulge, our eyes are bigger than our stomachs, then before we sweat, our mouths bigger than our will.
Making way for the big, fat, red, replacement Jesus we stuff our innards with bounty. It seems appropriate, in a poetic sense...(without the rhyming) that as we make his paths straight and prepare eager children for his appearing we gorge ourselves, and then lose ourselves whilst we partake of the most holy communion...shopping.
Now am I against gorging myself? Well certain parts of my organic structure fit together with tendon, muscle and bone beneath this tent of epidermic, parasitical mess is. But as a theoritical proposition that entrances my brain and my pig appetite? No.
Am I against shopping? Hmmm...is my inner selfish child going to get something? Most likely...although if the big, fat, red replacement Jesus is making a list....well we'll leave that one alone.
Both are good things...eating and shopping...but we must always be thankful.
Even a glutton and a materialist should find some time this Thanksgiving to thank the big, fat, red replacement Jesus for his gifts...and you better hurry because he's coming with a wealth of advertising, sales, and early store openings.
Do not mock him neither (or either), or else, he'll stab you with a pine needle.
by Timothy Lewis Kegley
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