Big D...actually not as big Arlington, Texas (we won't tell anybody)...is about to be inundated with cheese heads, terrible towelers (otherwise known as toilet paperer's), celeb-hotties, playboy bunnies, one ancient silly wabbit, big-time executives and Terry Bradshaw to our burgh by the...well...by the....oh forget it we don't really have any landmarks.
Wait, on second thought, we do...the burgh by the Ballpark where recently some sort of World Series competing commenced. And, if my memory serves me correctly, a team from this area was one of those combatants.
Which begs the question...
Why are cheese heads and steel butts coming here to see a local team compete?
Oh yeah...they're not coming to see that local team compete. For some reason that local team doesn't get to play this Sunday...IN THEIR OWN STAJUM.
No... the cheesers and the steelers have been invited to my backyard to watch...the Jumbotron.
But not to worry, if you're thinking we'll be overrun with such modern cro-magnons, the football fan, it will only be the players on the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers, a few of their folks and friends...the rest will be NFL officials, corporations, people who make movies, rappers, rockers, and the worst of all...the Black Eyed Peas.
The Black Eyed Peas remind me of being sick. You get to stay home, but you're sick. There's Fergie, but...it's the Black Eyed Peas...
After having had many a bad dream fueled by a mixture of Bud Light, cowboy hats, and belt buckles so big that they do irreparable damage to the GI tract, and with images of big fat trucks that can only be labeled as small skyscrapers, the news that the Super Bowl was coming to "North Texas" made my cultural sensitivities grimace. Those preceding images, so common in a "honkey's tonk", also with Oswald and JR, gave me a "delightful" feeling in my GI tract as if I had been wearing such a belt buckle myself.
I am afraid that not even the legs of Fergie will be able to quell that queasiness.
The yankees about to swarm down upon this "plex", like the Old Testament plague of locusts, has made me want to picket the nearest Shepler's pleading for them to close shop.
Cowboy down, please.
Most likely the opposite will be the case, as these urban cowboys shine up their boot and buckle to make a show of Texas authenticity. Well...YUCK !
I say that this area is way more cosmopolitan than Cowboys at Arlington.
In fact, in my opinion, two prerequisites for a modern day cosmopolitan city are more than met here in the D and the FW.
Rich folk, and strip clubs.
It's not that redknecks don't like naked women, but rather that rich heteros like naked women that possess augmented talent and a dental plan.
Don't worry about our soul, though...we still have plenty of places to kneel if our conscience overcomes us...or we run out of dollar bills.
But seriously, this area has an eclectic mix of cultures and race. I can even take you to a Buddhist temple (I think it's a Buddhist temple...I mean it's not like any church I've seen).
Any kind of food you want, from Indian to sushi, you can find in this area, and not just barbecue. Different races, different religions, mostly getting along, working, educating their children, and mixing rather well.
My dream for this Super Bowl, other than a Packers win, is that the visitors take back with them some idea of North Texas other than boots, buckles, longhorns on cadillac, and chaw. I hope they think of the D and the FW not only in more cosmopolitan terms but in neopolitan.
So take off your shoes, football fans, and enter the pearly gates of Cowboys stadium and see the glory of the Jumbotron.
Just never mind the Wal-Mart next door.
Wait, on second thought, we do...the burgh by the Ballpark where recently some sort of World Series competing commenced. And, if my memory serves me correctly, a team from this area was one of those combatants.
Which begs the question...
Why are cheese heads and steel butts coming here to see a local team compete?
Oh yeah...they're not coming to see that local team compete. For some reason that local team doesn't get to play this Sunday...IN THEIR OWN STAJUM.
No... the cheesers and the steelers have been invited to my backyard to watch...the Jumbotron.
But not to worry, if you're thinking we'll be overrun with such modern cro-magnons, the football fan, it will only be the players on the Green Bay Packers and the Pittsburgh Steelers, a few of their folks and friends...the rest will be NFL officials, corporations, people who make movies, rappers, rockers, and the worst of all...the Black Eyed Peas.
The Black Eyed Peas remind me of being sick. You get to stay home, but you're sick. There's Fergie, but...it's the Black Eyed Peas...
After having had many a bad dream fueled by a mixture of Bud Light, cowboy hats, and belt buckles so big that they do irreparable damage to the GI tract, and with images of big fat trucks that can only be labeled as small skyscrapers, the news that the Super Bowl was coming to "North Texas" made my cultural sensitivities grimace. Those preceding images, so common in a "honkey's tonk", also with Oswald and JR, gave me a "delightful" feeling in my GI tract as if I had been wearing such a belt buckle myself.
I am afraid that not even the legs of Fergie will be able to quell that queasiness.
The yankees about to swarm down upon this "plex", like the Old Testament plague of locusts, has made me want to picket the nearest Shepler's pleading for them to close shop.
Cowboy down, please.
Most likely the opposite will be the case, as these urban cowboys shine up their boot and buckle to make a show of Texas authenticity. Well...YUCK !
I say that this area is way more cosmopolitan than Cowboys at Arlington.
In fact, in my opinion, two prerequisites for a modern day cosmopolitan city are more than met here in the D and the FW.
Rich folk, and strip clubs.
It's not that redknecks don't like naked women, but rather that rich heteros like naked women that possess augmented talent and a dental plan.
Don't worry about our soul, though...we still have plenty of places to kneel if our conscience overcomes us...or we run out of dollar bills.
But seriously, this area has an eclectic mix of cultures and race. I can even take you to a Buddhist temple (I think it's a Buddhist temple...I mean it's not like any church I've seen).
Any kind of food you want, from Indian to sushi, you can find in this area, and not just barbecue. Different races, different religions, mostly getting along, working, educating their children, and mixing rather well.
My dream for this Super Bowl, other than a Packers win, is that the visitors take back with them some idea of North Texas other than boots, buckles, longhorns on cadillac, and chaw. I hope they think of the D and the FW not only in more cosmopolitan terms but in neopolitan.
So take off your shoes, football fans, and enter the pearly gates of Cowboys stadium and see the glory of the Jumbotron.
Just never mind the Wal-Mart next door.
A Tim is something or someone embodying exceptional intellectual ability, creativity, or originality, typically to a degree that is associated with the achievement of unprecedented insight.
ReplyDeletehuh? nah I'm kidding. hope you enjoyed the article as much as Jerry Jones has enjoyed the snow.
ReplyDeleteOh Tim, your sense of humor never disappoints me! I loved it!
ReplyDelete