Ranking the Lockouts

With the NFL lockout supposedly coming to an end (we’ll have to wait until after the owner’s appeal the recent decision). I thought I’d rank the top five lockouts. The NFL doesn’t even get an honorable mention.

Number 5.

(drum roll, please)

The First Weatherman

They had 120 years to learn how to swim or to pack., so I don’t really feel that sorry for them. (Discover flight, or something). They just didn’t listen to Noah’s 10 o’clock weather forecast…which was the same…for 100 years…

“Well here’s Noah with the weather.”

Pan to Noah…with a brown beard.

“Gonna rain y’all.”

100 years later,

“Well here’s Noah with the weather.”

Pan to Noah…with a white beard.

“Gonna rain y’all.”

Of course Noah would often do a show called “Ark Improvement”…but his main focus was weather.

So we are all familiar with the story… after years of failing, Noah finally got the weather right and it began to rain…as everybody else said “oops.” Then when it started to flood…and the sinners who didn’t renew their passport were LOCKED OUT of the Ark. No negotiations.

Genesis 7: 16

And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in.

Who's in...is not getting out. Who's not...isn't getting in.

Here are some of the effects of that Lockout.

1. We get to learn that there is such a thing as gopher wood.

2. God gives us rainbows and little bitty Irish men, wearing funny hats looking for the pot o' gold...and Lucky Charms...'they're magically delicious'.

If it had not been for Noah's flood all we would have are Frosted Flakes, which I'm alright with.

But that's not bad...

Anyway that’s number 5.

Number 4

(pay attention)

He’s just Tall that’s All.

Saul stood head and shoulder's above every other Israelite, which means he was probably 5'9". (None of them could play in the NBA). He was a pretty good fella, for awhile...until he decided that his own personal morality superceded Jehovah's. Big mistake.

BAM ! He get's LOCKED OUT !

I Samuel 15:26

And Samuel said unto Saul, I will not return with thee: for thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD hath rejected thee from being king over Israel.

The effects of the LOCKOUT of Saul.

1. It gave us David

2. It eventually gives us Jesus.

3. And, it also would give us one of the most beautiful proses ever written. Psalm 23.

Thanks Saul for being a dummy.

Number 3.

(ok...take a quick commercial break)

Like Lightning From the Sky

Good grief Lucy...you had it all. Didn't you know that you were ontologically different from the one who made you? I mean, seriously, you and God were making good music together...but you're just the choir leader...

But alas, ole' Lucifer reared up his head, thought of himself more than he should have and....God trips him...

Luke 10:18

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.

LOCKED OUT !

The effects of the Lockout of Lucifer

1. It made sure that no one named their kid Lucifer, because it's a terrible name anyway.

That's the positive...the rest are negative...

2. Murder

3. Strife   

4. Hell

5. Greed

6. Malice

7. Hate...

There's more...but the worst is number...

8. Rap music

Should have just been content to look good.

Number 2

(can't blame it all on the devil)

She's Not That Hot

Must have really unsettled Adam to have a naked woman around. You have to remember though, this is his first experience with such. But REALLY? Was she really that hot? She wasn't no Jennifer Aniston, I bet. So, Adam, you could have stopped her. Yeah she would have pouted a little while and wanted to talk about how it made her feel when you smacked that apple out of her hand, but she would have gotten over it. However, you didn't, and we haven't gotten over it yet.

No way she could have been THAT hot.

The effects of this lockout.

*see the effects of Lockout Number 3

Number 1

(cue “Stairway to Heaven”)

The Goats

This one hasn’t happened yet, but it’s guaranteed to be the biggest Lockout ever.

Although negotiations have stopped (at the cross) Jesus is still changing goats into sheep. But for those goats who don’t….CLANK. LOCKED OUT !

Matthew 25:32-41

³²And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

 ³³And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.

 ³⁴Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world....⁴¹Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

The effects of this lockout

(Let’s focus on the positive)

1. No more pain, suffering…all the bad stuff.

2.All the fellas who wore funny mustaches will get their just punishment (Hitler, Stalin, etc…etc..)

3.NO MORE RAP MUSIC

Well that’s my list

*Honorable mention: All the times I locked myself out of my car…and the time my mom locked herself out of her house and had to call the police…very funny.

The King of Rock and Roll

THE MORNING MEETING OF MI

The  morning meetings of MI (Maggots Incorporated) started a little later than anticipated.  The little flesh eating devils settle in to receive their morning assignments. A shorter, fatter maggot waddles up onto the stage…gently taps the microphone…clears his (or her…who can tell?) throat…

“Ok fellow larva, may I have your attention? We’ve got a big day ahead of us, and a lot of flesh to cover, so let’s get started. Those in unit 497 will cover quadrant C which includes the right finger up to the first knuckle. Those in unit 5756 will work with unit 497 according to Union regulations which means cartilage and tendons of quadrant C are to be salvaged only by those covered by Union regulation 75.4.1 in unit 5756.

Moving on…the left pinky will be salvaged by unit 21 in accordance with the “under the fingernail” addendum written into regulation 832.3…”

Murmuring amongst the larvi interrupts the speakers methodic cadence…

“This is what y’all voted for…so stop complaining. You can’t please everybody.”

Another little maggot waddles upon the stage.

“Now Charlie, this is no time to renegotiate…so…”

Charlie motions that he wants a private conference.

After a brief consultation, which leaves both maggots looking a little depressed (How one could tell, I don’t know) the speaker steps back up to the microphone…

“Uh…bad news…I don’t know what happened but a full investigation will commence I assure you.”

The crowd starts to murmur their little larva murmurings…

“Calm down…we do have a problem but we’ll get to the bottom of it.”

“What’s the problem?,” asks an overzealous maggot named…uh…well…Mags.

The speaker clears his throat again.

“Well…uh it seems…that there will be no work today.”

“Why?,” Mags violently asks

“Because…He’s left the building.”

A SOLDIER SAYS “OOPS”

“You come in here and all you have to say is ‘oops’?” a man wearing a dress asks another man wearing a dress.

“Well golleeee Sarge…what was I supposed to do?”, the addressed man dressed in a dress asks the first man wearing a dress.

“Gomericanus, you expect me to believe that you and Beatle Baileyaximus see this...figure....dressed in white...like snow...and you run like girls?" He doesn't seem to notice that...Gomericanus' wearing a dress.

“Yes Sarge, that's exactly what happened”

“Just plain silly. Well where is He?”

Sheepishly Gomericanus responds, "We didn't wait around to find out."

"Well what do you think happened to Him?"

Gomericanus gulps.

"Well we think..."

He hesitates.

“Well…?” The consternated dress wearing Sargeant asks…very consternated-ly.

Gomericanus looks non-plussed.

He shrugs his shoulders and says quite quizzically.

“We think He left the building?”

THE KING OF THE ROCK THAT ROLLED

Luke 24:1-5

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here He has risen.

JESUS...has left the building. 

HAPPY EASTER 

(Last word from the rock that rolled: "I could have been a person." Matthew 3:9)

I hope this vapor leaves a fragrance and not a stench

The older I get, the older I get.
I wish I could turn back time, put on a Cher record (I'm kidding...never liked Cher), and actually take off my shirt in front of the mirror without wincing. I have gained boobage, and not the pretty augmented kind.
I've also started to notice how harder it is to get out of bed in the morning.
It was a few years ago that I gave up my rock and roll and cut all of my long hair off. (The mullet just wasn't going to come back) A few years later than that, I REALLY gave up my rock and roll and shaved my head.
I've still got a rock and roll heart, which I check occasionally. But there has been some disagreement between my heart and my lungs, meaning the faster my heart beats, the slower my lungs work. I think they've conspired against me.
Now I'm not soon for the walker or the wheelchair, with a blanket covering my legs that some old woman knitted because she liked how Ben Gay smelled on me. Nor have I even thought about buying that hole in the ground. I do, however, think that I'll make one goofy looking, tall old guy.

MAGNIFICATION AND REDUCTION
The bible has a way of magnifying man's importance and reducing it.
Such ego boosting phrases such as "Fearfully and wonderfully made" and "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you" makes one sit up straight in his highchair and dribble obstinately.
Then there is "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?"
Our response to such reduction...
"WELL, I NEVER... Don't you know who I am? I'm the loudest baby in this romper room. This playpen is blessed to be stained with my drool, snot, and....stuff... Look I'm wearing designer diapers."


A HEAVENLY SMIRK, AND A HEAVENLY "TSK, TSK, TSK"
You see, I think God views this earthly conglomeration of noises as just clatter coming from a playground in the cosmos. Noises made by little bitty ego-maniacal ants that at times elicits a sigh from within the pearly gates.
If not a sigh then a smirk.
When an atheist takes out his pacifier, drools, poots, and then talks his baby talk; God just folds His arms, shakes His head, and "tsks" him.
It's the first stage of divine laughing...not pleasant laughing though.
What we know and what we think we know can be fit into the tip of the "nipple" on the "bottle", whilst what we really DON'T know not only fills the rest of the "bottle" but fills up the "sandbox" also. But we like sucking on the tip of what we think we know. It satisfies our ego.

There has been a great debate in Christian history concerning paedo-baptism, or the baptizing of babies. The truth is that EVERYONE who is baptized is baptized a whiny, sniveling, self saturated...baby.
Considering God's exhaustive knowledge as the barometer of knowledge we can only come to the conclusion that our existence AND our knowledge is the equivalent of the nursery room on a Sunday morning.
Then there's the smell...

OOH OOH THAT SMELL

(Never thought I'd reference a Lynyrd Skynyrd song)
I wonder about the reason for roses on a grave. Something beautiful plucked to honor something beautiful plucked. Or is it irony? Roses, which are a sign for many things while living (weddings, love), are lain over the "laid to rest", to commemorate that which is no longer...living.
Or maybe...it's a juxtaposition between what smells good and what doesn't.
By now, I've gone from the romper room smells to the smells that lie underneath our last garden. But to talk about the stench of such is but an illustration for just how small, in time, space and consequence, this existence really is.

James 4: 13 Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit."
14 Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" 

James' intent is to demonstrate how short and inconsequential life is.
Little babies in the nursery, clamoring for cosmic attention, even demanding it, when all the while..."gaa gaa goo goo."
But soon this vapor will....whiff...away.... Here...and then....gone.
All that's left is the smell...

A life well lived leaves a sweet fragrance, as if it hangs in the air for loved ones which, even through the anguish caused by death, flavors their grief.

Some vapors leave great fragrances which last long after death. Such as the apostle Paul. Or lives lived in great sacrifice and danger such as Martin Luther King Jr. There are plenty whose death has caused a sweet smell to permeate the collective conscience.

And there have been plenty whose vapor still sickens the stomach.

We should strive to leave behind a gentle comforting fragrance that is pleasing to God and to those we leave behind.

As for me...I want to leave behind the smell of a pizza...and Dr. Pepperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Does Dr. Pepperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr have a smell?

The Trinity or Inconsistency

Inconsistency. The bane of propositions.

Hermeneutics is the science of biblical interpretation. It is necessary to have a consistent hermeneutic. Sometimes a prejudicial presupposition influences a person's hermeneutic...as in the case of Oneness Pentecostals. Let me elaborate...
They start with the presupposition that God is uni-personal, which causes a hermeneutical inconsistency when one turns to the New Testament writings.
They believe that God is uni-personal because of what is explicit in the Old Testament (OT). It is obvious that when God acts He demonstrates "personal" attributes. He communicates with Moses. He has great affection for David. So forth and so on. This is an explicit account which demands the exegete (interpreter) to apply "personal" attributes to God, therefore concluding that God is "personal." They take the idea of "personal" to mean "uni-personal" or "one person".
But when it comes to the New Testament (NT) the explicit is undermined by their inference. God as one person? It is an implication that denies what is explicit. The interactions of the Son with the Father is as explicit in the NT as the interactions between God and Moses in the OT. Hence their inconsistency comes to bear.
So then the OP constructs his/her presupposition of uni-personlism based on what is explicit in the OT then damn every trinitarian because he/she develops a conclusion based on what is explicit in the NT. Uni-personalism is an inference that cannot be proven by what is explicit in the OT BECAUSE of what is explicit in the NT, therefore making their argument an eisegetic implication that denies what is explicit.
It is not a consistent hermeneutic.
The same type of language in the OT, which drives their apologetic, is the SAME type of language used in the NT that should cause them to re-think their apologetic...that is if they wish to remain consistent, and if they think that Christ was sent to reveal the Father....which He does...in the New Testament.
which brings me to my next point...the deity of Christ.

In order for Jesus to be God He has to be "personally distinct" from the Father.
Let me say it like this:
In order for Jesus to be God He HAS to be eternal. If He is not eternal, then He is not God in any sense of the word. Since in John 1:1 the Logos is proclaimed to be with God and to be God, the ONLY sufficient explanation is that Jesus, or the pre-incarnate Word, has to be "personally distinct" from the God He's with. If He is just a "plan" (as OP's suggest) then He, or in this case it, is contingent, i.e. a product of mind, and CANNOT be God. This then stands the creative passages credited to Jesus on their head, and denies the very thing that John and Paul wish to establish.

In Colossians 1:13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
The Supremacy of the Son of God
 15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

It is clear that the "Him" that Paul is talking about in verse 16 is the Son. This is before the incarnation, thus the Son exhibits creative abilities, meaning He is God, and personal abilities distinct from the Father. To allow this to be meaningful it has to be so. Otherwise we are left with inconsistency.

So in conclusion...
The Father and the Son are nouns that indicate distinct identities. We know this because they act like they are distinct identities, and if they act like that (and we know that God is not in the habit of lying) then they ARE what they act like they are. The OP's problem comes when they equate ontology with identity. Because we are talking about a unique entity (God) then we cannot analogize His revelation away in terms that we think meaningful. We must stay faithful to what He has told us about Him, namely that in some sense He is one and in some sense He is three. He is one in nature, and three in identity.

So the OP's conclusion that if trinitarian's believed that Jesus was the true God then he would be the Father is erroneous for it assumes that just because the Son is God, and the Father is God then the Son must be the Father. Distinct identities cannot be distinct and not distinct, that would be a contradiction. Nor can two identities share ontology and be the same identity, for a singular identity has no need to share with himself. But this is the phenomenon we find in John 10:30 and John 17:5. Two identities sharing, which necessitates distinction and a distinction that MUST be maintained in order to protect the integrity of the text, the identities in question, and the nature being shared.

If the actors (Father and Son) are not distinct then in no sense can they be deity.

Trinitarianism protects the integrity of the identities and the integrity of the deity. In other words when we use the nouns Father, Son and Holy Spirit those nouns have meaning because of their distinct, personal, relational abilities. It also protects the integrity of deity for it substantiates that when God states that He is Father, Son and Holy Spirit and when those three portray distinct, personal, relational abilities...then He is not trying to obfuscate His being nor is He being deceitful...and we are not being inconsistent.